Driving in Massachusetts - Are You Qualified?
Are you one of those drivers that thinks they'll live forever? Do you live in a city driving is an adventure, not a pleasure? Have you nearly missed thirty-three car collisions, or left a pile of cars in your wake? Feel like taking your wife and kids through a historic drive through Newburyport? If you answered yes to any of these questions, or you've been thinking of moving to the New England area, read on. Massachusetts drivers have a reptuation for being some of the worst drivers in the world... from personal experience I can tell you 95% of the time, it isn't our driving, its yours.
Rental Cars
When renting a car in Boston, it's a good idea to stay away from anything small, sporty, or neon coloured. You may think that nuclear reactor yellow Love Bug with the orange and pink daisy painted on the hood looks cool, but when you're sitting in mid-town traffic at 2:30 in the afternoon, the sun beating down on you as angry drivers lean on their horns because you're doing the speed limit, you'll be singing a different song. The last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself. The less people that know you're from out of town, the safer you are. Rent a big car, like a Cadillac or a Crown Victoria. Make sure it's a dark colour - sedan blue or slate grey. When you're stuck in traffic and it's hot, roll down your window, hang your arm out and look bored. If you smoke, light it up. If you don't, light it up anyway. Nobody wants to mess with someone who has a stick of fire hanging from their mouths.
Road Signs
Red means stop. Green means go. Yellow means accelerate. No exceptions.
When approaching an intersection, take note of the "No Turns on Red" sign. Chances are, there won't be one. That means you don't have to wait for the light to turn green to make the right-hand turn. If you do wait until the light turns green, you will likely anger several dozen cars behind you. Also, pay attention for when the light turns green for all other turns/proceedings. If you wait more than a minute before pulling out, an angry cacophony of car horns will await you.
Stop. It's a four letter word. It means the same thing everywhere. It doesn't matter where you are, where you're from, where you're going, or who you're with. Stop where it says stop.
Yield. It doesn't mean stop. It has never meant stop. It will never mean stop. It means proceed with caution. When you come to a yield sign, do not slam on your brakes. Carefully survey the situation around you while slowing down enough to put yourself out of danger while never actually coming to a stop. Stopping could result in being rear-ended, or worse.
One Way Street. Pretty self explanitory. If you come to a street with this sign, don't drive down/up it. If you think to yourself, "Oh, it's a small street, nobody will notice," or, "It's 2:30 in the morning, who's going to care?" and do it anyway, you'll be sorry.
Rotaries
Yes, it's a circle. Yes, you have to drive around it. No, Massachusetts isn't "Home of the Rotary." You can thank England for those.
Do not become one of those people who drives around and around in the rotary for hours because they're too afraid to take the exit they need. If you're waiting for traffic to yield to you, it isn't going to happen. Be aggressive and pull off the rotary. Otherwise, you'll die going in circles.
Don't stop before entering a rotary. Ever.
Driving in Bad Weather
New England is partially known for its harsh winters. This is nothing new. Driving on ice is difficult but not impossible. Millions of people do it every year with very few accidents. Drive slow, be careful. If you're not going fast to begin with, you won't slip all over the place when you have to slow down. When you have to stop, slow down ahead of time. Otherwise, you'll be changing the radio station of the car in front of you.
Snow. If you've never driven in snow before, it can be a challenge, but it's almost like driving in the rain. Turn your headlights on. They won't help you see, but they'll help drivers coming from other directions see you - in the snow, that's pretty important. If you've never seen snow before, pull over to the side of the road. While behind the wheel of a car is NOT a good time to marvel in it's beauty.
Pedestrians
Contrary to popular opinion, I'm pretty sure we're not actually supposed to aim for them.
Traffic Lights
Red
= Stop
Green
= Go
Yellow
= Accelerate